The Key To Jealousy By Kate Caddle When we compare ourselves to others, the issue isn’t in noticing the difference between the other person, and ourselves. We hit discomfort because we give away our power. And when we give away our power, we lose connection to...
4 things to remember in all relationships.
By Isik Tlabar
When someone rejects you, it doesn’t mean anything about you.
When someone doesn’t want to be with you, it can be almost automatic to take it personally. You might feel abandoned, unloved, unworthy or insignificant. You might question yourself as if there is something wrong with you or you might lose your confidence. You might even change yourself to fit into the criteria of that person so they don’t leave you.
When you’re being yourself and someone rejects you, that is actually a good thing. It shows that you’re not right for each other. When you’re being yourself and that person wants to be with you, that’s beautiful. You win either way.
The truth is, there is someone for you out there who will love you for who you are. You don’t have to change yourself and be less of who you are for someone. Ever.
When you compare yourself with others, you forget who you are.
When you compare yourself with others, you’re taking something external as a reference point and you lose your centre, you give your power away.
Especially on social media when you look at other people’s lives, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison. You don’t know the whole story of what’s going on for them. No one’s life is perfect. Even if they tell you they don’t have any issues, that’s not true. They’re either playing it small, not being honest with themselves or haven’t gone deeper into their wounds.
Write a list of 20 things you love about yourself, it could be about how you look, your character, anything. 20 things that make you, you. Next time you catch yourself comparing with others, you can bring your focus back to what you love about yourself.
You can ask for what you want and have it.
You might feel like you can’t ask for what you want not just from your partner but from people around you. It might feel awkward, you might feel you don’t deserve to have it or you might not want to let people in to keep yourself safe as asking for help requires vulnerability.
A good way to ask for what you want is to speak from your heart. Don’t offer favour first, or tell how tired you are hoping they’ll get the message, that’s manipulation. Ask directly. Be clear and loving. If they say no, that’s ok, again doesn’t mean anything about you. Ask someone else. You’ll be surprised how many people are willing to help you, they just don’t know how.
Give yourself what you want others to give you.
Close your eyes and imagine the 5-year-old you in front of you. What does s/he need? What does s/he need to hear from you to feel safe and loved? Tell them that.
Give your inner child what you want others to give you. This way you meet your own needs and you don’t get upset by others’ actions towards you, especially by your parents’. When the need for them to do something is not there, they naturally give you what you always wanted anyway. This also helps you to focus on your future with ease and flow rather than dwelling on the past.
I work on those areas (relationship & purpose) a lot in 1:1 coaching/clearing sessions. If you want to support in mastering these, message me.