The Key To Jealousy By Kate Caddle When we compare ourselves to others, the issue isn’t in noticing the difference between the other person, and ourselves. We hit discomfort because we give away our power. And when we give away our power, we lose connection to...
Express the unexpressed.
By Bianca Spears
What’s been left unsaid in your life?
So often the appreciation, love, respect, anger, frustration and disappointment that we feel are not communicated verbally. We don’t say “I don’t know what I would do without you” or “You inspire me! I love what you do” as often as we should when we appreciate or respect someone. We don’t say “I love you” to the people towards whom we feel it the most. We don’t say “sorry” as much as we may feel it for the things we’ve done wrong or the things we regret.
Even if we don’t think we did anything that warrants an apology, but others do, saying sorry in a genuine way that can heal broken relationships. It is not a battle of who gives in first, there is nothing to “win” and nothing to lose. Remember the last time you felt entitled to be given an apology so bad that you would risk turning a relationship sour? Even when you got the apology, how did you feel afterwards? Did you get a boost of confidence from thinking “I knew I was right?” or did the issue just become yesterday’s news, even making you feel a bit uncomfortable seeing the other person’s humility? Listen in on your mind right now; if you are thinking “I’m not saying sorry when I didn’t do anything!” or “they should be saying sorry to me!” – notice where this is coming from, your ego (limited self) or your best self?
In a moment of fury, is it worth it to keep being stubborn and let your ego take over just to prove a point that can taint a relationship forever? We often resist letting go, and at the end of life, there is often forgiveness left ungiven and unshared. There is unresolved resentment and anger and frustration that could have been let go of (in a moment) years ago that remains in the minds, hearts and bodies of those who have passed on.
The opposite is also true for sentiments of appreciation or love. Often we are afraid to express the love we feel for a person, whether that is family, friends, or a significant other. It takes a certain amount of courage to overcome the thought of “But what if that person takes it the wrong way?”, “Will it sound too cheesy if I say it?”, “I’m with these people every day. Do I need to say it out loud? They probably already know it.” When an employee or someone we “secretly” look up to does a good job, makes our life easier, or inspires us, instead of praising the good work, it’s easy for us tell ourselves that those people probably know how good they are, and that they don’t need to be reminded of how much easier they make our lives, how much their actions affect us, how much of a role model they have become. “Probably”, “secretly”, “hopefully” – vague terms that may not reflect reality, but create a “safe” place for our pride and our toughness. Our ego tries its best to reassure us that things are clearly the way they are, that it is safer that way, to keep it inside and not expose our vulnerable side, to just keep quiet. Easier, perhaps, but is that the way you want it – with the unexpressed remaining unshared?
Sometimes it’s impossible for us to share all of the unsaid things with people. Often it is hard to do it in a way where we can be heard and acknowledged. What is possible is to share those things with that person in an experience that we create.
I just went through a process that can sometimes be quite intense, but goes deep in expressing the unexpressed, releasing the suppressed thoughts and emotions. It is not easy going up against the ego, especially when it has been running patterns of entitlement, pride and negativity for so long. It takes courage to be humble, to forgive and forget, to release all the emotions you have been holding in for so long just to look tough, to keep it all together, and I cannot begin to stress how good it felt and how much easier life became after releasing all these thoughts that I did not dare express before. This process always goes deep and clears up energy around a certain person, and at the same time, indirectly and powerfully clears blocks around so many other amazing things. It always feels like a massive weight has been lifted and that things are freer and easier. It always leads to shifts in other areas, because you open up new pathways for things to flow.
Suppressed thoughts and emotions are extremely dangerous for our physical and mental wellbeing, and I guarantee you that you are holding back on way more than you even realise right now.
Express the unexpressed – the love, the thanks, the sorrow, the forgiveness and you will know the joy and relief it brings. Keep it in and, well, you know what that’s like. You can already relate to the resistance and pain it creates.