The Key To Jealousy By Kate Caddle When we compare ourselves to others, the issue isn’t in noticing the difference between the other person, and ourselves. We hit discomfort because we give away our power. And when we give away our power, we lose connection to...
What is living?
By Christine Saunders
I am at that age where I look at the older generations like parents, family, neighbors, even strangers in the market and you begin to think about life.
I wonder if people are happy and fulfilled. I wonder if they have regrets? If they have lived the life they dreamed about or if they have settled? What if they are so fearful of uncertainty they are just alive, and not living? Do they love life or just like life?
One recent night, I had a dream where I was floating around my childhood home in the basement. I was playing just as I did as a young girl. The memories came flooding back; the same smells, sights and feelings all so heightened. I hear the warm gentle sound of my mother’s voice as she talks with me while she is doing laundry. You see, she has a very particular way of doing laundry and to watch her at that moment it amazes me. It makes me stop and appreciate how much laundry she has done for me. I smile and go about hanging out, checking out the sewing machine I learned to sew on, the basement is like a time capsule from my childhood.
I am suddenly riddled with fear when the lights go out in the basement, all except the ones going up the stairs. What you need to know is I am petrified to this day of the dark. My heart is pounding, I can’t make my feet move fast enough to the opening by the furnace. I clearly see the foot of the steps. I see my mom looking around as if she was making sure everything is in place before she goes. She turns to proceed up the stairs. At this moment I feel a weight on my chest. I yell “mommy” only it’s in my 7-year-old little girl voice. She doesn’t hear me and keeps climbing. I yell even louder “mommy” she stops, turns back as if she heard me. I smile and I feel a little at ease as she continues to climb the steps. But panic sets in again and I began yelling “mommy I’m right here” over and over. But she keeps climbing until I can’t see her anymore. As I am sobbing, I wake up shaking, tears rolling. You see my mother has not been in her basement for a couple of years.
Before over analyzing this, because it is, in fact, a dream. I sat in my sadness and space of being uncomfortable for a tiny bit and let my heart speak to me about the message this dream is intending to send me.
Three things came up for me in this space.
First, I am beyond grateful for the life my mother and father provided and yes still do provide for me! I certainly would not be the women I am today if it had not been for the love and support of my mother and father. For them to recognize my talents, encourage me to follow through and not give up along the way. My amazing work ethic and desire to show kindness and care for others comes from them. The love they show and share to this day is that unconditional 100/100 love we all seek in any relationship. There are no expectations and their love does not waver. Every failure, every tough decision, and every triumph they are there, ready for whatever comes next. They have been there for it all! The good, the bad and the ugly!! Their children are the most important.
My fondest memories are when I was very small. My father worked for the telephone company and he had a phone in his car and I am talking about an old desk style phone. It was the early 80’s and he let us kids call mommy from the driveway to the house phone. It was amazing we are calling mommy from a car! And my mommy said, “I love you, kids”. The second is a conversation I had with my father not too long ago. We were speaking about the days after his retirement and how he had a picture of what his days would look like. He pictured freedom; travelling to see places, camping, enjoying the world. What reality looked like was different than he had envisioned. His reality and all that matters to him is caring for what he loves the most in life, my mama. He said, “I love your Mother, in sickness and in health”. With health complications, he focuses on loving and adoring her. Now, what you must understand is I have been a daddy’s girl all my life and to see him care for my mama is the most beautiful thing a daughter can witness. I can see the deep love for her in his eyes and his care for her. People have asked me where I get my empathic approach… um, my papa and my mama.
Second, this also brings to the surface to enjoy every second of every moment we have on this earth with everyone we have contact with. To truly understand and remember that every day is a gift we are given. Every morning we wake up is an amazing day! There will be challenges, there will be triumphs, there will be sadness and most important there will be pure joy! Honor every moment! I mean really honor those moments. Ok, let’s pick on the more challenging moments for just a tiny bit. These moments show us opportunities to grow wiser, love, harder, and love more WholeHearted. These are the times when we are at our most vulnerable, where we can create, build, and repair relationships. In true moments of vulnerability comes deep authentic connection.
These strong connections we build provide trust and community. In our communities, we celebrate our successes and victories; from the small to the large.
Third and lastly, I am thinking of my own immortality and the impact I want to have in the world. I believe that operating from my mission of easing suffering for whoever I can whenever I can is the first step. I want to be known as the person who is, kind, empathetic and in service of others. Ultimately making the world a better place.
Although this dream has brought up some intense emotions it has also brought up joy and gratitude for the amazing life I have, the women I am, and the strength to keeping fighting for what I stand for. There is power in knowing where I need improvement and that is fuel enough to keep living and loving with my Wholeheart.