It’s not the whiney little bitch conversation we need to have. It’s The One About Impotence Instead. by Joanna Intara I love Bill Maher. He’s amazing, funny, talented and brilliant. And the whiney little bitch conversation has been on the table for a long time....
You are one decision away from a totally different life.
By Christine Saunders
We spend our lives making decisions based on our environment, experiences, beliefs, and values right? What if I said to you I believe these all “live” in your mind and we want to “live” in and from our heart. Wait how does that work? Let me explain a little further. Did you know there is a direct path of energy between your head (mind) and your heart? Your heart is a gift, you have had it since birth and the connection between your mind and your heart were pure until we began to have experiences. Now we could get all “scieincey” (I may have just created a word) and go into how they have proven a direct correlation energetically between the two. The thing is we don’t need to we already know this and we feel it! Are you wondering when and how does it feel? I can’t really tell you that because it is individual for everyone. For me, it is a place where there are no conditions, no fear, no doubt. There is vulnerability, humility and trust in myself. There is service to others and undying gratitude for life and love.
What we know is our mind bases its decisions from our set of beliefs and values stemming from our experiences throughout our lives and we choose based on these. Our mind also has a built-in alarm system that keeps us from doing things that are dangerous or scary or make us fearful and these are also individualized based on these same concepts and ideas. The challenge with this is sometimes the mind likes to sneak in and deceives us.
There are moments in our lives when we make these choices/decisions in our hearts and leave our minds out of the process. In these moments we take conditions, fear, and doubt out of the equation and we simply decide based on the feeling we have in our hearts. These are the ones where we know all the facts and are not concerned with the outcome because we know it’s good for us. I say make all decisions with not only your heart but your whole heart. Now that’s not to say the mind does not have a role. In fact, I am saying it because the mind does have a critical role and this comes later. Hang tight for just a bit longer.
Most of us live somewhere in the middle between head and heart. I have come to call this my internal gipsy because I tend to move between the two sometimes rapidly. Sometimes I tend to stay in my head a bit too long and that is where that unnecessary suffering can creep in with doubt and fear. Here’s the deal, I broke up with doubt a long time ago and it’s like a tempting old relationship that tries to suck you in. Because at one time it felt really good and your heart and mind want that feeling again. Don’t do it! You can choose to have a healthy relationship with doubt when you live in your whole heart.
So how are we able to balance the two? Here are my thoughts on the topic. My goal is to live and love in and from my whole heart. The legacy I want to leave on the world is to ease suffering whenever I can. I can’t do that if I live in my head with fear and doubt. I make decisions and serve others from my heart space. At times we assume that we have all the information to make these decisions in our hearts and when we don’t our minds take over with that fear and doubt I spoke of earlier. I have some things that I do consistently to keep myself balanced and my gipsy at home more in my heart space.
Here are a couple suggestions that have been helpful for me to feel grounded and focus on my heart space.
Take a pause! This is actually critical in decision making. When we are flooded with information needing to make a decision it is imperative to pause. I like to use the example of George W Bush during the 911 attacks. As he is reading to elementary students he is getting news of the tragedy. He takes a pause. Some people give him grief over this, I commend this… the pause gives him more time to gather facts in such an uncertain situation. Now I am hoping that none of us has to have any decisions that heavy come our way but we can employ the same tactic. Pause and gather facts, this is an important part. Gathering facts requires asking intelligent questions to the right people including ourselves.
Next, I like to practice what I call heart breathing. Now, this is not a fancy official name, I just call it that because it makes sense to me. Placing one hand on your heart and one on your head and deep breathing will actually sync the energy between your head and your heart. (This is the “Sciencey” part I was talking about) It is in these times that we need all positive energy to make decisions. By doing this I am making sure that the gipsy isn’t digging her heels in, camping out in your mind. Ideally, we would love to live wholly in our hearts for these decisions; if we can at least be in the middle balancing we will make the decision closer to our hearts.
One last strategy I use frequently is journaling and making lists. Journaling and making lists have that built in pause that we spoke about a couple paragraphs earlier. Along with that it also incorporates the fact-gathering component. I know what you are thinking…journaling, is that like “dear diary”? I am here to tell you absolutely not. It certainly can be if that works for you. However, it does not have to be. There are bullet journals, lists, questions that can provoke thought, etc. One caution I have around journaling and lists is we could spend too much time in the analytical space rather than a combo or from your whole heart.
Let me share an example
I had a decision to make around a friendship during a time in my life where I was working really hard internally on myself and in turn growing and moving forward. My dear friend was supportive in the way she knew how at that moment but then became distant in the relationship. I spoke to her and asked her if there was something I could do to make our relationship stronger (fact gathering). At this point, her response was one of the hypercritical criticisms about what I was doing in my life. Now I know this is her way of expressing fear for my recent growth and the potential of leaving her “behind”. As much as I reassured her, she was not at a time in her life to trust this relationship…so I had a decision to make for both of us. I sat in nature, closed my eyes placed one hand on my heart and one on my head. I then began a deep 4 count breathing exercise and spent some time telling myself what I am grateful for and asking my heart for advice on how to proceed. And after a few tears were shed, I had my answer. I was not going to leave her high and dry; I was going to be there for her. I took my ego out of the relationship which can be challenging for me when I know people are suffering. Although we are not as close as we once were, ultimately we are still friends.
So you see, you can use all the strategies in the world. I also believe what is equally important is the energy that you put into your life and decisions. If you passively make decisions in your life those are not decisions, they are running on autopilot, rituals or habits like brushing your teeth. If you want fulfilment in your life and to live in your whole heart you must use your energy to make decisions. In the end, you will be using your whole heart!