Awoken

There she lay in the quiet night sky on the grass at the front of her porch. She stared at the sky, noting the constellations and remembering her sister once saying that dad had turned into a night star and was watching over her and though she had not believed in these kinds of things before, it sort of gave her comfort that her dad was not far away. Yet she felt empty. Her life was not making much sense now and she wondered why. Her job, her family, it all did not make any sense. Though a part of her was grateful for all these things she still felt unfulfilled. A part of the whole was missing and she could not figure out what at that time.  It was as if she had eaten from the fruit of knowledge from the Garden of Eden and her eyes were open now. She no longer found fulfilment from what she once knew. Her heart wanted more.

And as she listened to the crickets make their sounds and watched as the wind blew past the flowers, she realized she did not know what the heck she was doing with her life. At first she had thought it was because she had lost her father and her emotions were all messed up somehow but at the moment she realized something; she had changed and there was no going back.

At that moment a conversation she had had earlier that year flooded her mind in that instant. She was talking to her boss at her new workplace and eager to please as ever. Her boss, Mr. M, a kind man, middle built with knowing eyes and wisdom beyond his years had welcomed her into his office with a warm smile and asked her how things were. She had taken a pause for a moment and even though something did not feel right inside, she went with the words, “I’m fine sir, thank you for asking.”

From there she ratted on, “Your presentation was very deep, it has made me think deeply and what drew me in the most was that part about, either supporting the cause of the organization or going against it. I just wonder, how does one get to always fully support the cause of the organization?” To this he knowingly replied, “Well, Mercy, you either have it inside you or you don’t. You cannot fit a square peg into a triangular hole. Deep inside you, you will know whether it is right for you or it isn’t for it will either call you in by resonating with you, or it just bounces off and leaves you with no effect or empty. Listen to that place within you, it always has the answer.”

In that moment it hit her. She did not think that this is where she belonged. It was a faint recognition which at that time she decided to ignore. She wanted a job and she had gotten a job, what else was there? And the fact that she would have to go back and face her mother and tell her she was turning down because it did just not feel right and she was not passionate about it gave her the jitters. Her mother had apparently been praying that she gets that job for months now, and she wanted her children to be independent and stand on their own two feet financially. How was she to have the nerve to stand in front of her mother and say, “hey mum guess what? I quit!” oh boy oh boy oh boy she was too young to die. What she was not realizing is that her inner light was also dwindling and becoming deem the moment she failed to honor her inner feeling and please those around her instead.

Funny thing is that that job did not resonate with the place within but she had not found out what did and this was another reason why she could not face her mother.

Facing the night sky she realized one part of the puzzle was illuminated. Next was her relationship. Well there was no need to go there and look deeply because within her she knew she was in it for the wrong reasons. She did not want to be alone. Again she was fitting a square peg into a rectangular hole. But then again why the heck was she still there? It’s because she was afraid of the unknown and too afraid to let go. 

Now let’s take a pause in this story people because this is not something relatable to only Mercy, a lot of people are in a similar situation and according to science, as explained by Caroline Myss, the author of Sacred Contracts, this is a prostitution archetype.  According to her, buried deep within our unconscious there are four major archetypes namely the child, the victim, the prostitute and the saboteur. These archetypes determine the kinds of lives we live and each person is driven by woven threads of these four, each with a unique pattern.

So what is an archetype? It as a symbol signifying a universal pattern which in this case is the guiding forces of our unconscious. In Jungian theory, it is a primitive mental image inherited from the earliest human ancestors and supposed to be present in the collective conscience.

At the shadow of each archetype is a fear and in this case Mercy fears following her divine voice and her intuition which are telling her that she is stepping away from her path and this is why she is feeling lost. The action required is faith in that still small voice but she is scared that she might fall hugely. Where she is, she feels a false sense of security and the risks the divine within is calling her to take feels like a huge risk even though this is where she truly finds her liberation.

So what do I mean when say prostitution archetype? Well what does a prostitute do? She or he sells their body or uses their body for the sake of money or some type of payment. In this case it means using any part of you, your brains/ intellect, your body, your relationships, your family, your gifts/talents ,your spirit for some type of gain which fails to resonate with your spirit because you fear that following your true intuition will not get you financial security, or any sense of security. It is allowing people to use you for their gain in a way that makes you feel guilty or used but you do it because you are getting some type of payment, material, emotional, ego fulfilment  or otherwise.

So when you stay in a shitty or unfulfilling job or stay stuck in a redundant relationship because of the false sense of security it gives you then you are in a prostitution archetype. When you choose not to honor your still inner voice concerning your vocation, your relationship, your station in life, the direction you should take and decide to stick where you are because of fear holds you back, you are being driven by this archetype. It is knowing what you should be doing but because we lack faith in the divine providence of the universe, the abundance of it, knowing that the universe always provides when we need it to.

The good thing is that this archetype can set us free too. It is a guardian to faith as well. It lets us know when to have that faith that when we follow our inner promptings then we have nothing to fear and even when we recognize the fear then we can rise above it and recognize what is happening. Our divine prompting is our internal compass in this life, choose to listen and therein you will find liberation.

Mercy was being called to find her inner compass again and allow it to guide her. Her spirit was calling out to her more urgently and it was time to listen. She was awakening to her path. It was now her decision to either have the courage and the faith to trust in the divine and follow her intuition or cower in fear and continue living an unfulfilled life. It was time to truly listen to her soul and he dad’s transitioning was awakening her to this voice once again. Would she, or would she not?