Do you lead a “normal” or decadent lifestyle, one where you are self-sabotaging? Part of living the right sort of life is having the right mindset and beliefs and believing in ourselves.
It’s also about keeping our body fit physically by exercising and feeding it the right nutritional requirements as well as giving ourselves the right environment in which to thrive and grow.
Which means surrounding ourselves with the right kind of people who support our growth and expansion and don’t pull us down, denigrate, criticise or lecture us.
So, having the right relationships with people, starting with ourselves is critical.
Anything detrimental in our life, we should eliminate, get rid of, say no to.
Not only that, but what kind of lifestyle we lead is important too, so say no too constantly pushing yourself in your career just to prove a point that you are better than others, or to showing the boss that you’re not a slacker, or that you really aren’t lazy. No to staying up until 2am to finish off that project. No to people that suck your precious time away from you. It´s how we start to get balance in our lives.
What about your social life? Do you party hard to show others you’re the life and soul of the party and can stay up all night and that it´s wonderful and fun to do stupid things like pushing someone else into that swimming pool even though they told you no and you told them not to be such a spoil sport or you push a broken glass into someone´s face and have badly injured them. Are you being a brat? Why do you party hard? Maybe it´s time to ask yourself some very uncomfortable questions and get to the truth of why you do what you do.
Do you take drugs to prove that you can treat your body badly and that you can get away with it? What about when you can´t afford or don´t know where to get that next fix, or when you have delusional thoughts, your mental health starts to suffer, you have needle marks everywhere on your body and it affects your work and your relationships with family and others? Are you scared now, I don’t know about you, but I would be because that next needle or tablet could be your last.
Do you smoke like a trooper or drink like a fish because you want to outdo everyone and drink them under the table? Is it because you don´t think you´re good enough, you thought it was fun at the time and clever?
Don’t fool yourself, because you’re the only one who is, and it’ll catch up with you sooner rather than later in the form of illness, broken relationships, court judgements, threats, victimhood and more.
Perhaps you sit all alone at home after work and tell yourself, “I´ll just have one, no more,” and you have “a little drink” and before you know it, you wake up next morning, lying in a pool of your own vomit, hair full of it, realising that you actually went through 2 or 3 bottles on your own. So much for just having one drink.
Are you a bully and know-all with your manner and attitude towards life and people? Did you have parents who split up and fought during that split up so that you ended up with torn loyalties, or you got to the point where you didn’t care anymore because you felt they didn’t care about you and what you felt so you shut down your emotions and you rebelled? Were you sent to boarding school where you were bullied, raped, abused or maybe you were at home when it happened, and you made a decision there and then never again to let anyone have control over you ever again?
Or do you eat and eat because you feel empty inside and then you eat some more because you think it´s the answer to your unhappiness? Are you trying to fill up some void inside of you, some yawning gap which no matter how hard you try you can´t fill? I´ll just have one chocolate, and before you know it, you´ve eaten the whole box? Or, just one piece of cake, suddenly, sitting crying in front of the TV, you find you´ve eaten a whole cake, or you keep going back to the fridge just for “one more,” whatever that one more is? You feel sick and want to purge so you go to the toilet and find yourself sticking the toothbrush down your throat because you have to. You don´t.
Stop fooling yourself, before you end up overweight, miserable, unhappy, morose, depressed, crying every evening, alone with no friends to call on because they´ve drifted away, fed up with trying to help you when you won´t be helped.
What about your finances? Are they in a mess? Are you constantly overdrawn or worse, up to your eyeballs in debt, you owe the bank thousands, you’ve taken out as many credit cards as you can and are juggling paying back the interest on them every month if you’re lucky and you´re very close to losing the roof over your head.
You’ve over stretched yourself with your living requirements, nice flashy car on the drive, the latest technological advancements lying around not being used or handbags and shoes lie in your wardrobe waiting to see the light of day.
Do you blame others for the situations you find yourself in? Why? No-one else put you there, you got yourself there because of the decisions you made. You can make different ones in the future.
All of this is self-sabotage and your self-worth is being destroyed so why continue to do it?
We do all these things because we don’t care enough about ourselves, because we think we aren’t good enough, because the pain we endured when we were children was too much to bear so we made either knowingly or unknowingly depending on the age we were, certain decisions which still affect us to this day. But they don’t have to.
We don’t love or value ourselves. Isn’t it time we did? There is hope, there is light and there is an end to feeling this way about ourselves. The first step is to know that we are doing these things to ourselves, no-one else is. That is a hard truth to swallow which we tend to shy away from but deep down we know it´s true.
The next step to get away from this awful pain we are inflicting on ourselves by setting an intention to not do it anymore and after that we need to forgive ourselves for having treated ourselves the way we have done. Would you treat someone else the way you have treated yourself?
If you have, you need to go and say sorry. Say sorry to yourself for having treated yourself that way, then say sorry to all those whom you have hurt. Forget about those who have hurt you and start with you in the here and now. Say it with humility and say it humbly and with deference. We are human and if you mean it, they will understand and forgive you. Then start to really clean up your life. You can do this! Many of us have travelled that very path and now know better. It isn’t always easy, but it is an easier way of living rather than how we were before. Life can be lived happily and joyously without all this drama. You can come from a place of powerlessness to be all powerful, I know, I´ve been there!
Transformational Coach & Writer helping professional women to Live Life Freely