The leaves rustled beneath her bare feet beckoning for calmness while at the same time whispering in her ears. The wind caressed her skin as the trees waved slightly in greeting from side to side, almost urging her to move forward and keep going. Birds chirped in a melodious tune in synchrony with the whisper of the trees. The sun bathed her skin, drenching her in a warm glow that warmed her soul and lifted her spirits. There was a green pond a few meters in front of her and Sharon felt a desire, a beckoning, to go sit at the front of it which she did. It had been too long since she had been at the ranch and she had almost forgotten how alluring the small forest felt every time she was there.
She carefully sat at the bank of the green pond, memories of her childhood bombarding her mind. She would always come here whenever she needed to think and reflect or even pour out her feelings in a diary when she needed to. The rock she would normally sit on was still there a few meters to her right, now covered in green but it still brought a smile to her face. She was here to seek guidance once more and she hoped the peace in nature would help her find some answers.
Her mind was torn and she was in deep emotiona pain. She noticed however that for the first time in a long time she was feeling this peace wash her like this and she wondered whether it was because of the magic of the place. During these past months, Sharon felt so tired with her life and she was going through the motions feeling dead inside wondering if this was all life had to offer.
In the past three years, she had tried to kill herself three times and each time she tried to, her daughter Tasha had come to her rescue. Sharon kept wonderung if Tasha always sensed that something was happening. She had conceived Tasha so unexpectadly and she wondered if the universe had sent Tasha her way to be her earth angel or something.
Sharon was from a rich christian family. She had grown up with strong christian morals and at twenty five years of age was considered one of the strongest members of her church. It came as a shock therefore when she fell pregnant since fornication is considered a great sin in the christian religion. But then who could blame her? Had she not just fallen in love just like we all do? He was smart, funny, fun to be with and so caring towards her! In her world thid was a dream come true. She felt she had found her perfect match and was so lucky to!
The church as you can imagine made her feel like an outcast and for three years, she never stepped into a church building. She also questioned her faith in so many ways. Lawy, the love of her life paid a wealthy sum of money to her family just so that she was well taken care of during her pregnancy. This is the man she loved and wanted to spend the rest of her life with so when life twisted her fate into an intricate web only to have it slap her face with the truth that Lawy had seven other women, she was punched to her soul. It ended, just like that, but she was devastated. Tasha though, was a blessing she would forever be grateful for.
Even through her turmoil though, Sharon was a fighter. In her career she thrived. Sharon started as a bank teller and rose through the ranks to become a senior bank manager
Even though she died a little every day as she drove to work, she still managed to compartmentalize, and bring brilliance to her company. At one time, her annual salary was more than the revenue her bank had made in a year. In all odds, she was considered successful. She was sharp, witty, creative and full of innovative ideas that made her a real asset in her work place. She could not shake it off though. Every day she felt like she was nailing her coffin shut, killing herself from the inside, yet she still kept at it, convincing herself that it would turn out okay, that if she ignored the feeling it would go away. In a strange way, the suicidal thoughts started plaguing her even more.
Finally at thirty three years of age, Sharon decided to seek a psychologist to help her because the inner turmoil was just too much. It allevited a bit of her stress and in a way she still felt weighed down. If anything was to change then a huge change was needed in her life and at the pond she was seeking guidance.
Did she have the courage to leave her job? Where would she find another source of income? What if she took the leap and it failed to work out the way she had anticipated? What if she ended hating her decision? Would she end up hating her other job too? Would she regret her decision? Would it all go away if she was patient with her feelings? There was a lot to ponder about.
Currently she felt stuck, unfulfilled and scared. This was not the life she had imagined. Money no longer held the allure it once did. She wanted to live a life of meaning. Her daughter was all she felt grateful for yet she felt she was not being a good enough mother. The man she loved had deceived her.
What was she to do? She was lying down at the bank of the pond, her feet slightly touching the water, her eyes closed, a smile painted on her lips as she listened to the birds sing, her feet bent upwards at her knees, her fingers on her chest giving a slight caress to her stomach every few minutes. Her navy blue knitted cardigan was open at the front and was light enough to feel the sand through the fabric.
She took a deep breath and then another. For a moment the chatter in her mind lessened which id something she was grateful for. Finally she could concentrate. At that moment she decided to listen and she felt a quiet peace engulf her. A quiet voice within was urging her to take the leap and assuring her that it would turn out okay. It was scary at first and her mind insisted on plaguing her with questions but as she took deep breaths and kept listening to the voice it became apparent that this was what her heart was calling her to do. Then it hit her like a strong wave! This is what set her passion aflame! This is the answer she jad sought all these years. She could either live a lie and continue in misery or choose another path which seemed to ignite her soul. She was going to quit and find her true path.
Six months later, after therapy she slowly healed and while healing she noticed she was growing passionate about emotional intelligence. She realized that her emotions had been trying to guide her all this while but she had not listened. She also realized that there were so many people like her who understood very little about the wealth of wisdom that emotions bring. That they were a compass guide to the inner self. Sharon decided to learn herself anew and peel through the layers to her core. She understood her need to be perfect was because her parents put so much pressure on her for example. She wanted to forgive herself and she did, accepting her imperfections as part of who she was. With time, she healed.
Today, Sharon is a renowned speaker on all matters that revolve around emotional intelligence. She is also a business analyst and works amongst some top companies in Kenya. Her free spirit and vibrant nature draws people in whenever she goes. Her light shines bright now that she has found her purpose. Her motto, “know yourself, love yourself enough to choose yourself and finally, give yourself to the world and serve others and you will find your joy.”
Creative Writer. Psychologist. Inspired Blogger.