Growing up being surrounded by guys’ was not easy at times, but for sure it had its portions of blessings in my life and it’s been giving me the wisdom and information to do all that I am doing today.
As a little girl of four years of age up until the age of nine I literally had no friends that were girls and was always playing with other six little boys and we were the cool gang in our neighbourhood and my journey of competing for power and equanimity and fighting for gender equality started from such a young age and early time of my life.
That led me to get to know men and their way of thinking as a child and as an adult, which with laughter I would say both is kind of the same thing. All that made me mostly be friends with guys and made it all easier to understand them and create great friendship with them. One of these amazing men who ended up being a great friend, turned into a boyfriend, then my fiancé and my husband eventually.
But then life had its own mysterious plans and when I was going through my divorce after ten years of marriage I often thought it was so unfair as my best friend/husband was turning to an ex and the idea of not having him in my life frightened me so much that I had to remember to use all my knowledge, wisdom and understanding to make sure we kept our friendship and would be able to co-parent our beautiful daughter together. I just didn’t want any conflict.
So I thought if we could once be best friends once we could be that for the second time too. Even though I didn’t recognize and realize at the time that the universe had a different plan for me by all that was happening, something deep down said: “you know what to do, use your own wisdom and just keep the peace and the friendship”. Today I know exactly why it all happened. I can prove my points as I am living them today and I could help other women to empower themselves by understanding men in their interactions of all forms. Either professional, romantic, friendship or family and be able to create fulfilling short or long-term relationships together.
There is so much that I can explain and write here, but for now, I’m just going to share with you three important secrets of what men wish all women knew.
1) Men have emotions too, they just show and express it differently.
I think it is just not fare, how we women put men in a box and say they don’t have emotions, often my guy friends told me that they also get upset when they don’t get a reply to their messages or they also feel insecure and sensitive when they feel there is a competition and so on, but they just have a different way of expressing it all. Mostly men withdraw while us women may throw a tantrum or express with emotions, it is just a difference in our nature that men and us women behave differently, so please ladies let’s give the guys a break and stop accusing them of being emotionless beings!
2) Men need to pull away at times, they need their alone times.
Often when consulting with my lady clients I hear them complaining about their man keeping quiet for a few days or how he pulls away a bit and how it makes them feel insecure or uncomfortable, but I am here to tell you differently my ladies. To be honest when men pull away is actually a positive thing,
Because they are re-energizing and if you don’t allow them to do so, it will backfire at you.
Sometimes when men get so close with their emotions suddenly they kind of freak out and they just pull back a little bit to gain their balance and sense of power, it has nothing to do with you or whether they like you or not! Men need to go to their cave now and then, either alone or with their guy friends and this actually re-energize them and they come back around enthusiastic with more of a positive attitude, but of course, if you accept them and do not punish them for it. They are just wired differently and they act more like an elastic band, when they pull away they come back strongly, the less they are able to pull away, the more they lose enthusiasm and they get bored.
You must make sure to create such a life for yourself full of fun and interest that when they not around, your happiness and fulfilment won’t get affect ted and yet, in fact, you are almost happy to give them that space because you also need it for yourself and so when they come around you are both happy to re-bond.
3) He wants to be the only hero in your eyes.
I am going to say it and I know it is the truth as I have done my research on this one and every single man I asked said the same thing and yet they all said “but promise you don’t mention my name on this one’ and so I didn’t.
Here is the truth, no matter how long you have been together, a day or a decade or more, he wants you to always remind him, yourself and others that he is your number one hero.
Men are so competitive, whether they confess it to you or not, they love to know and believe that you truly think he is your saviour and the champion knight of your story.
So I suggest if you truly care about him and love him dearly, remember to now and then show your appreciation and gratitude for his hard work towards creating success and bringing smiles on your lips. Believe me, men know it very well when they are being an asshole, so they don’t need you to keep reminding them of it, but they do need you to acknowledge their good deeds, that is just how they are. Of course, everybody loves to hear some “thank you” or words of appreciation, but men kind of need to hear it more than women do, believe me, they rather be appreciated and then be loved which is opposite women’s need of being loved first and then be appreciated second. It is just a different behavioural pattern and understanding.
Well, I hope the tips I have mentioned can expand your awareness in your interaction with men and help you understand their nature more, which is quite different to us as women. But it is wise to remember that at the end of the day, either men or women, regardless of age, skin colour or background would love to be loved and appreciated for who they are just the way they are, who wouldn’t wish for unconditional love or acceptance. That one thing makes us all human regardless of our gender. Well, after all love is the language, that every heart speaks.